Like the seasons, people change

Hey blog, when i'm feeling bad. You're the only place i can share everything in my mind. 

Well, i'm feeling so bad. I've just finished all exams for the last daily test in this even semester. So tired and i've been working so hard. Now is the time for me to take a rest. Tomorrow is the last day of school. I'm gonna have a holiday this monday and maybe for a week. Coz our seniors, the 3rd Senior High School student are going to have their national exam. Good luck for them. I hope all people could pass it well and no one would fail.

Not only physical, but my heart is tired too. I hope this is just a dream. Everything is not like this. But then, i realized it isn't. It really happened to me. Is it true that like the seasons, people change? But i'm wondering why? Is there anyone can tell me why? I can't find the answer. This depresses me a lot. I even dunno what should i do. I woke up in the morning then i thought about how to pass my day well everyday. Keep thinking the way to survive. But it always fail. I can't do anything.

Sigh. sigh and sigh.

I miss everything i've been through. That sweet memories. But memories are just memories. I'm standing alone here. No idea what should i do. I'm just can pray every night for God makes it better.

Bring "it" back

Today i did a little mistake. I don't think it's a mistake actually. But, yeah just a little remorse that it annoyed him. So, sorry. I didn't mean like that and didn't know it would annoy.

I should realize what i have now lest i lose everything and regret. I really know about it. Like i said, I didn't mean like that. I'm just trying to reveal the truth. Sometimes, honesty is hurt. But we have to accept it right? Better than we get a lie.

It's overcast here. And suddenly the rain falls down slowly. Almost always like this. Every time i remember about him (a person in my past) the cloud turns to gray. Like now. Even nature knows how's my feeling about him. Sadness, hopeless, untouchable, hurt, and losing. Or maybe it's just accidentally (try to be realistic). Who knows?

Do you ever feel what i felt? About how hard to forget a thing which is too sweet to be forgotten. A memory that will always saved inside your heart as an eternal secret. I guess everyone have it and can't forget it too. It doesn't mean you still have thought back to the past as well. So, i'm wondering if i was wrong or not.

Dunno anything. Just don't think about it anymore.

Recently remembered

my Christmas wish

we live in this world with all hypocrisy and problems. nobody lives here with guarantee that his life's easy. we can't always get what we want. all our dreams may not come true. we just can cry and fill a day with tears or keep wishing on a wishing star. maybe it isn't come true today. but there's still have a chance to give a try and say NO for "give up". but the point now, can everyone of us survive with condition like this? is it possible if we don't "give up"?

feeling pain of inability, down for ever lose, tired to give a try, sick of every single thing in life, life seems meaningless at all, you don't have a shoulder to lean on, you don't have place to hide, hopeless, nobody's here with you, you're alone, you have to rely yourself to keep standing, you should not trust anyone without exception.

yeah. this life ain't easy at all.

i can't get a thing i want. whereas others get it easily without need to work hard. i really understand that kind of feeling. let me tell you. it's so hurt. and i believe that none of us here never deal with a problem like that.

it's december. and Christmas is coming. God, if you keeps your eyes on me all this time. i have no doubt you totally know and understand what i'm dealing with exactly. i fight with myself inside my heart. this war has begun since i got that news. you know i'm not able to face this. i'm the weakest and i confess i'm a loser.

for this Christmas, i wish You would fulfill my prays. gives me "that". what i want for this Christmas is just it. i must get it. not only for my satisfaction. but this kinda important for my life, for my future. i don't expect more. just it. i beg You. i'm gonna think a way to clear this up. coz i've been too messy now. i spent my days keep thinking about it. this makes me depressed. really. i can't stand if have to be like this much longer.

Christmas wish

T________________T

it's terrible today. i'm not in a good mood. all make me angry today. see the pic above? my bracelet confiscated by the BP. it happened this morning when i came to school. my sister has reminded me that seems there are BP(s) on the field. but i didn't hear her. sokkreak*

it was right. so many BP(s) there. then...... you know the what happened next. T______________T

one thing that really make me angry (sad) more than my bracelet. i don't want to discuss it here. i almost can't control myself. i don't ever think "(?)" can behaved like this to me. maybe i've misjudged "(?)". i'm so fool to trust person like "(?)". regret.

i felt so disappointed. "(?)" has changed. "(?)" is not like the person i know all this time.

luckily, i have Augusto. he's one of my close friend. beside valens, they are the two boys who i trust most and yes, they're my bestfriend.

augusto made me calmer. eventhough he can not change my mind. i know i'm right. my eyes saw the fact.

whatever. meaningless too discuss about this. just hurt my heart more and more.

i hold on auguto's advise.

Matius 5:44 " but I told you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

Amen.

YOU'll never guess how i hate you now!

about L.O.V.E

"Walking on a path of air

See your faces everywhere

As you melt this heart of stone

Living in a world so cold

You are there to warm my soul

You came to mend a broken heart

You gave my life a brand new start and now

I really love you"

These words were made by one of my friend. He love a girl but can't reveal it. He told me that he really wanna say like that to the girl. And so hopeless "when he could?".

So sad heard about that. I wanna help him but i can't do anything except always support him.

If someone reveal his love to me by saying so romantic words like that. I'll definitely be :') and honoured. How lucky the girl is actually. But love?? Too complicated to figure out.

I wish all the best for him.

That's love.

Heaven and hell in one package :|

I really thanks to God that give me chance to feel about love and have someone who always stand beside me.

I'll keep this love well and never let it go away from me ♥

By the way, tonight i'll go again.

So tired. But the good news is. Today i'm freed from my course. Yeay :) what A LIFE.

So, I'll have a short nap this afternoon before go to saloon.

I'll go to bed now.

See you, bloggers :)

Hold your love tightly :)

I'm not me anymore

I had insomnia last night. I was so messy and chaotic. I can't imagine how i look like now. I'm not even dare to see mirror. This is not me at all. Yeah. Something in my mind has driven me crazy. Totally! I can't do anything right. I can't sleep-eat-smile and all thing i used to. I'm just keep thinking about unimportant things in my mind. You know? Thinking without knowing what and why we're thinking about.

I told all to some of my friends. They gave me opinions and suggestions. But none of them really understand me. I'm hopeless and don't know what should i do anymore. Then i saw my diary book on my desk. I start to write there. I felt better after writing. Whooooow. Like magic. Ridicules! :/ But it's really. Write diary can make you calmer. Coz you can write anything and tell everything there. I ♥ my diary.

This world isn't mine. Isn't the place for me. I wanna run away from here. Leave all.

Another hopeless girl