thank your shortcomings !

Got a bad day . Even tomorrow. Am going to have math exam. OMG ! Seems that tomorrow will be a bad day too. Sigh. Well, what i wanna share today is, (underline it !)

I hate copycat so damn much. i wish they could vanish from this world

So pissed off. Don't you know that followers will never be better than people they follow? What's the good idea of keep copycat-ing me? I bought this, you bought this. I have this thing and you feel like you have to have this thing too. What a mad. I guess there's something wrong with your brain. You'd better go and check it. Pathetic of yours !

Then, you said bad about me. But the fact wasn't like that. Did you think after you told everyone about my bad, you will look better than me? Let me tell you something, kid. People do have eyes. They can see the fact. You just embarrassed yourself in front of them. Don't do those petty things because of you got envy with me. Chill out baby !

Stop copycat every single thing about me ! Thank your shortcomings !

TIRED

I'm so tired to the MAX!

I'm disappointed, I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm sick of all, I wanna vomit, I wanna shout out loud, I HATE everything in my life.

MY LIFE'S SO DAMN!

All i know is i'm so TIRED. I'm not strong enough to face all and i will never be stronger.

Please!

Please stop all. Please give me a shoulder for me to lean on, shoulder which is the place for me to cry whole night. Please give me strength for standing upright.

I'm so bad now.

Yeah. I'm wondering if i could have a sleep tonight or not. Coz seems tonight will be a very long night. That fear crept into my heart. I'm alone. Crying like stupid alone.

i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED   i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED i'm so TIRED   i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED  i'm so TIRED

H A P P I N E S S

F I N A L L Y

Life feels more beautiful and easier when you enjoy it and stop hating or envy with others. Really. And i had just freed myself from that nightmare. There is no more malice in my heart. It feels so good if our heart clean from bad things.

I realized everyone definitely ever feel envy with others. Well, if you think positively, envy is not bad actually. It just means you adore someone and realize he/she is better than you. It can be a good motivation for you to be a better person. As long as you aren't out of line in envy with others.

Honestly even it's not easy to be honest, i'm envy with a girl. I dunno exact when it started. She has everything i want. Actually, she's kinda similar to me. Things she likes, the way she thinks, the way she acts and more. I often pay attention on her. Feel kinda curious with what she's doing (don't mean to be nosy) Sometimes i said bad about her. But actually inside my heart, is a different thing. I'm just wanna look cool on people eyes that didn't confess she's great.

But now, everything has changed. Me 100% don't envy with her anymore. Making friend with her isn't a bad idea. This makes me feel good.

So, on this post i have confessed all. About my feelings that i saved in my heart all this time. Wanna say sorry to her if i did mistake. Even she won't ever know that she's the girl. She won't believe a kind of girl like her is the girl i'm envy with. I'm sure.

For you, if you are hating or same like me envy with someone, try to fight with that feelings and you have to win it. Trust me, life will be better if you don't have that feelings in your heart. Try to confess it to yourself (you don't need to confess to people or even that person you are envy with if you are shy. Just keep it deeply inside your heart as an eternal secret)

Don't waste your time hating people. It's useless. Trust me ;)

May God help you. Thanks for reading my story.

E N V Y

xx

Great mood-destroyer

I was so annoyed today. There are two people who caused it. The first person is really-really annoying. She always think she's the right one and everyone is wrong. We have to follow what did she say. Does she think she's perfect? that always right? I'm wondering if she has mirror at home or not. Coz seems that she doesn't know "shy" at all. She's kinda bossy. No, not kinda. She's totally bossy and such a moody girl. How invite hatred.

The second person is very-very-very nosy. She is so interested in other's private life. It none of her business. Why did she care about? It's not about her as well. Or does she think she is very skilled so that she wanna give others advise? I guess nobody needs her rubbish advice. She can manage her own behavior well has already enough.

This two kind of human is terrible. May God bless them to make them repent. AMEN.

Ps. Sorry God for gossiped them and told their badness. Forgive me :( I'm just lose my control of them. They really ruin my day. I'm too mad.

Another bad day

This Pain

Whoaaa. Evidently holiday is not as exciting as i thought before. Well, it feels so boring here. Stay at home; just sit in front of this notebook doing things i even dunno for what. Keep rebloging photos in tumblr, changed tumblr appearance and anything else that useless just for wasting time. Okay, I don't wanna have a too long holiday. Rest for me has already enough. Don't let me be rusty at home for 11 days more.

So now, how..?? I need an exciting activity that can relieve boredom but not tiring.

Moreover now my head feels like wanna explode. Too many things in my mind. It's over limit. Totally sickening. I can't stand to be like this anymore. I lost many things because of it. I lost my smile, my mood, my laughter, my freedom.

Problems come without stop. Like punish me of every bad things i've ever done. I should fight and it doesn't let me to take a rest. I've been tired. Please let me relax just for a while. Can't you?

Yeah. I'm unfortunate girl. A stupid girl with all her dreams that will not come true. I should have known it. I shouldn't give a hope anymore. Now, it's so hurt. Here. This pity heart wanna shout out loudly "What an unfair life.!"

When? I'm wondering when i can go out from all of this and how long i should waiting? Huh? Waiting for the thing that doesn't clear. But i don't give up,right? I still keep waiting. But how much longer? I need a certainty.

Not only that. People around me are so annoying these days. Everyone seems ask me to make a quarrel. What the hell is this? I'm still sixteen(haven't seventeen). And i'm not strong enough to face all of this.

Please everything go back like before. Please don't change. Stay for me.

All this time i just forcing my laugh and faking my smile. I'm not okay. I hope someone knows it.

Outside smiling,inside crying (dying)

bad news

it's cloudy. gray over here and over there. kinda chilly. i haven't seen my sun along this day. the weather today has explained everything. sadness, disappointment, hopeless, and every single thing that hurt our feelings.

i bring bad news, readers. from my stupid desire until my remedial. i'm totally bad. all people disappointed with the result. including me of course. this ain't fair. people who studied and didn't study got the same result. REMEDIAL. it's absurd. if we know the result's gonna be like this, we'll not study too. coz just the same, right? wanna add something. i don't agree about checking exam with computer system. we have to circle the answers blackly. if there are several answers that aren't too black and computer can't detected it, computer will not count that number as true although your answer is true. see? not effective although it's modern and sophisticated but it's detrimental to students.

remedial waste my time and also reduce my holiday. makes me scolded by my parents is the worst. damn!

fortunately, i have someone who always support me and cheer me up. he's an angel. so kind, helpful and the most touching is he never angry with me all this time. he makes me stronger. yeah. he's a great boyfriend. and he's mine ♥ should be grateful for this :')

i've already depressed. now remedial add more burden to me again. i remember this song lyric. 

"God will make a way, where there seems to be no way"

but where is the way out for me? where is the guidance from God?

disappointed

i decide to end it

i still feel annoyed by that girl. i asked people who i know and know her too. they said that she is really a bad girl. all of them confessed that they don't like her too much. they hate her. hate her disgusting style. see? i'm right. she's not a good girl. i've known it when i saw her photos and the way she talk to everyone.

people said she likes to look for boys attention. it's her hobby. Oh my (!) no doubt if no boy sincere loving her. boys who close with her just wanna poke him (sorry readers). then, the most shocked one. people said that she's like a mad girl (gakberes*). she almost dropped out from school. what a brutal girl! yiiiii. disgusting! better don't ever know people like her. issss..

i wanna forget this all. but i can't. i've already hate her. and if i hate someone. i have to see he/she cry and can't find peace in his/her life first, then i'll satisfied. i wanna give her some lessons so that she'll think the second time before mess up with others next time.

but feels like meaningless to look for a mess with kind a girl like her yaa? she's brutal. just tarnish my reputation. i'm an educated girl. not like her :)

have to calm myself. and everything's gonna be okay. back like usual. all have passed. heavy rain and storm have passed. now, i may enjoy looking the beautiful rainbow as the result of my patience and smile in the storm. i'll start a new page of our love story with him ♥ 

but remember one thing rubbish! i let you go from me for this time isn't coz i'm afraid with you. you still junior high school. still milk odor. i'm just wanna peace and of course it's not my level to mess up with a girl like you :)

i'll pretend don't ever know you. coz it's just brings bad luck for my life and embarrass me for knowing a girl like you.

goodbye troublemaker(!)

T________________T

it's terrible today. i'm not in a good mood. all make me angry today. see the pic above? my bracelet confiscated by the BP. it happened this morning when i came to school. my sister has reminded me that seems there are BP(s) on the field. but i didn't hear her. sokkreak*

it was right. so many BP(s) there. then...... you know the what happened next. T______________T

one thing that really make me angry (sad) more than my bracelet. i don't want to discuss it here. i almost can't control myself. i don't ever think "(?)" can behaved like this to me. maybe i've misjudged "(?)". i'm so fool to trust person like "(?)". regret.

i felt so disappointed. "(?)" has changed. "(?)" is not like the person i know all this time.

luckily, i have Augusto. he's one of my close friend. beside valens, they are the two boys who i trust most and yes, they're my bestfriend.

augusto made me calmer. eventhough he can not change my mind. i know i'm right. my eyes saw the fact.

whatever. meaningless too discuss about this. just hurt my heart more and more.

i hold on auguto's advise.

Matius 5:44 " but I told you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

Amen.

YOU'll never guess how i hate you now!

my contacts + N.B

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thanks readers :)

N.B

anyway, i wanna tell you something. two kinds of people that i don't like is a copycat and a people who like to  show off. yeah. an arrogant person. moreover if they show off about little-simple thing. ckck too proud of themselves. i doubt is this a disease or not LOL. oh well, this really gets on my nerves. i hate to meet people like that.

let i ask you something. are there any uses to show off? do arrogant people think first before do it? that maybe other is better than them. so, why should they show off?

i don't understand about their thought. really.

thanks for reading ♥

#IHM

monday is SUCKS.

and tomorrow is MONDAY ==" 

hate to death!!

i hate all my days

I'm not me anymore

I had insomnia last night. I was so messy and chaotic. I can't imagine how i look like now. I'm not even dare to see mirror. This is not me at all. Yeah. Something in my mind has driven me crazy. Totally! I can't do anything right. I can't sleep-eat-smile and all thing i used to. I'm just keep thinking about unimportant things in my mind. You know? Thinking without knowing what and why we're thinking about.

I told all to some of my friends. They gave me opinions and suggestions. But none of them really understand me. I'm hopeless and don't know what should i do anymore. Then i saw my diary book on my desk. I start to write there. I felt better after writing. Whooooow. Like magic. Ridicules! :/ But it's really. Write diary can make you calmer. Coz you can write anything and tell everything there. I ♥ my diary.

This world isn't mine. Isn't the place for me. I wanna run away from here. Leave all.

Another hopeless girl

Damn Shit!

Urrggh..

Today my teacher moved my seat back. Oh well, It'll be nice if i sit with Joyanti Amanda. But I still sit with my seat-mate. The difference is now I sit 2 table behind from my previous place. I really wanna ask the teacher to moved me from that shit place. I wanna sit with Joyanti. T.T

Plus now no more Valens in front of me. :(  Am so missing and losing. I lose the only one friend who i can talk to and sit near to me. He's the one that make me can stand my seat since the beginning of this second class till now. But now? T.T

I hate my seat! F*ck seat!

Am so mad! What a selfish teacher! I've already said that i can't see the whiteboard from there. I can't see anything! But she didn't care. Was she can't see that i'm not tall enough for sitting behind by her eyes and her glass? Oh damn annoying! My seat now is really like the hell. No doubt!

F*CK!!!

sick.. :(

Finally i can blogging again..I was sick so that it made me hard to wake up..I have too lying on the bed whole day..Oh my God..What's on earth??? It's really get on my nerves..I can't do anything.. :(

But now i have getting better..It's coz support from my family,my dearest friends and specially from my lovely harris..Thanks a lot guys...Love you all...

Anyway,I want to share about my feelings just know..I was so confuse with NT..Exactly i was confuse with myself..Why i have to hate her?? She never done any mistake with me..She doesn't know me too..*I think*..So what's the matter?? Why?? Why?? and Why?? My brain keep thinking but never get the answer..The only one rational answer is I'm jealous with her..Not because she has all that i want or she is better than me..But i'm jealous because she is the one who sit in the higher place than me for something..Yeah..Maybe it's the reason..

I don't want to hate anyone..I'll try to like her..I hope she will like me too..