This Pain

Whoaaa. Evidently holiday is not as exciting as i thought before. Well, it feels so boring here. Stay at home; just sit in front of this notebook doing things i even dunno for what. Keep rebloging photos in tumblr, changed tumblr appearance and anything else that useless just for wasting time. Okay, I don't wanna have a too long holiday. Rest for me has already enough. Don't let me be rusty at home for 11 days more.

So now, how..?? I need an exciting activity that can relieve boredom but not tiring.

Moreover now my head feels like wanna explode. Too many things in my mind. It's over limit. Totally sickening. I can't stand to be like this anymore. I lost many things because of it. I lost my smile, my mood, my laughter, my freedom.

Problems come without stop. Like punish me of every bad things i've ever done. I should fight and it doesn't let me to take a rest. I've been tired. Please let me relax just for a while. Can't you?

Yeah. I'm unfortunate girl. A stupid girl with all her dreams that will not come true. I should have known it. I shouldn't give a hope anymore. Now, it's so hurt. Here. This pity heart wanna shout out loudly "What an unfair life.!"

When? I'm wondering when i can go out from all of this and how long i should waiting? Huh? Waiting for the thing that doesn't clear. But i don't give up,right? I still keep waiting. But how much longer? I need a certainty.

Not only that. People around me are so annoying these days. Everyone seems ask me to make a quarrel. What the hell is this? I'm still sixteen(haven't seventeen). And i'm not strong enough to face all of this.

Please everything go back like before. Please don't change. Stay for me.

All this time i just forcing my laugh and faking my smile. I'm not okay. I hope someone knows it.

Outside smiling,inside crying (dying)